i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You smell like stripper and shame
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize