Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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