I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
