I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
