your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
