She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
