New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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