Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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