Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
