Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize