I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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