just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
