I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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