I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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