Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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