you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
