why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
