I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
