Im at strip club and am horny
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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