I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
