he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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