He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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