It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
