you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
