Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
