Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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