you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize