if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do vagina's smell?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
