The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize