I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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