She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
