why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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