Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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