he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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