Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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