How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
