Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
