i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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