He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
