first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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