Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i think i just lost a toe
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
