Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I want is dick and wine.
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