Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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