Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
