I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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