I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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