Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
