You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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