I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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