i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
