I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize