she was so not down for the gang bang
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
