my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
