Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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