it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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