So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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