I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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