she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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