she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
