If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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