literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just had sex on a roof
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize