In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
