If i come over, it means nothing
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
