Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
