she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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